I started at 5 years old at the kitchen table with my family supporting me.
I know where I’m from and I know exactly where I’m going.    – Celine Dion

Participants at the Holy Cross Retreat

Last weekend I led a retreat at the Holy Cross Monastery for the Congregation of St. Saviour of the Cathedral of St. John the Divine. The title of the retreat was “Restoring Our Souls at God’s Kitchen Table.” I knew it would be a real challenge for me to lead the retreat, because I’m still tied to my slow-moving walker, and I can only stand for short periods of time. Also I’m accustomed to being very active, jumping up and down when I lead workshops and retreats. This time I had to do most of the sessions sitting down, and I moved around as slow as a turtle using my walker. Yes, a big change for me.

At the start of the retreat, we read these words: “Our lives are very complicated – not always what we expect. They are speeding by so quickly that we may not recognize that there are many opportunities to be fed God’s gifts of hope, joy, and light. But we can pause to plug in and reorient ourselves. When we pause to consider the realities of our existence, we may find ourselves asking important questions such as: Who am I? What is my purpose here? Where do I find meaning in life?”

Photo from Holy Cross Monastery taken by Agnes Marcailou

In another session we talked about how many of us try to do too many things, to fill our lives with more and more. We agreed that often the more we accomplish, the more we are expected to do. That the faster we go and the more we do, the easier it is to forget what we really value. We may even misplace or lose people and activities that truly nourish our deepest heart. We have too much on our plate. We are distracted by the sheer number of commitments and responsibilities we have accumulated. Sometimes we are so preoccupied that we actually forget what is at the center of our lives.

If you have read my last blogs, you know that my life has slowed down tremendously over the past months. So I’ve had time to think about who I am and about my purpose here. This past week I met with an oncologist, Dr. Anu Goel, who came highly recommended by my team of doctors at Roosevelt Hospital. Dr. Goel informed me that my cancer and the very rare Paraneoplastic Syndrome (PS) that I have are quite complicated and not simple to treat. First, because of the PS, it is not possible to give me an aggressive chemo treatment to fight the reoccurrence of the cancer, as that could have a negative affect on my central nervous system which is already fragile and compromised. But to not treat the cancer with some kind of chemo and/or with radiation might put me in an even more difficult position. If the cancer returns, the PS likely will too – and perhaps with a vengeance. So now it’s time for big decisions to be made – likely different from what I thought they would be last week.  Life – not always what we expect!!

Gathering at the kitchen table

So I’m very grateful for having had time at Holy Cross to sit at God’s kitchen table with my friends. I know it will help me to make some of the decisions about my next steps.

• Do you have a kitchen table experience in your life that can help you make decisions?
• Are you facing a difficult or big decision that you need to make soon?

Oh God, we come to you with far too much on our plates. We need to let you help us see what is important in our lives, to let go of the things that are not meaningful. Forgive us when we lose patience or when we lose sight of you because of our crazy schedules, our expectations. May we remember you are always waiting for us at the kitchen table. Amen.

Joy Carol
www.joycarol.com