Joy Carols Weekly Blog

‘Gary, is that you?’ I asked. There he stood holding the huge processional cross at my church, the Cathedral of St. John the Divine in NYC. I couldn’t believe my eyes; I hadn’t seen Gary for almost 10 years. We laughed, got teary eyed, hugged each other around the long staff of the cross, and processed down the aisle.

I first met Gary shortly after the tragedy of 9/11. He was a member of the congregation that worshipped at the Cathedral. As we got to know each other, he told me his story. I want to share his story of hope with you over the next three weeks.

During the first week of September, while on vacation with his family in Ohio, Gary broke out with a bad case of shingles. The doctor told him he’d likely have them for at least six to eight weeks and offered to prescribe painkillers. But Gary refused to take them. As a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, he wasn’t willing to take any chances. At a party with other AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) members in Ohio, Gary celebrated his three-year anniversary of being clean and sober. He was given a three-year sobriety coin. Then on September 10, Gary returned to New York City – a day earlier than scheduled. He wasn’t quite sure why he felt compelled to return that day.

On the morning of September 11, although tired, Gary went back to work. He took the subway to the World Trade Center, had his traditional oatmeal breakfast in the South Tower at 8:30, and talked with friends who worked in the Towers. Around 8:45, he called his mother in Ohio to tell her he was back in the City. She asked him: “Gary, are you on your way to work? Your shingles aren’t well enough. Go home. You’re on vacation.” They laughed, and Gary went down the escalator to the PATH train for the ride under the Hudson River to his office, which had moved out of the South Tower to Jersey City.

By the time Gary arrived at his office, the first tower had been hit. The staff stood and watched in horror as the second tower was struck. Soon they were told to go home. As he tried to decide how to get back to Manhattan, the first building collapsed. It had been only a few minutes earlier that he had been there eating his oatmeal with his friends.

The only thing Gary could think of doing was to pray the AA prayer he said almost every day: ‘God, I offer myself to Thee – To do with me as Thou wilt.’ He began to walk, thinking: ‘If God wants to use me I’ll walk into an opportunity of service.’ By 10:30 he found himself in Hoboken about the same time that a Triage was being established by emergency workers, Red Cross volunteers, police, and health workers. He was one of the first civilian volunteers to arrive at the site. Although he felt scared and in pain from the shingles, he wanted to do whatever he could.

(For the next two weeks I’ll continue with Gary’s story of hope and service.)

God of hope, we need to learn how to offer ourselves to you, so that you can do with us as you will. Yet, we are stubborn, full of our own wishes to do our own will, not yours. We ask for your understanding, patience, and forgiveness. We ask that you show us how to be of service to others. Amen.

Joy Carol
www.joycarol.com  

Last week Mayra, a beautiful young woman whom I work with as her spiritual companion, was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. Mayra is a brilliant woman, a professor with a Ph.D., and is the mother of a precious little boy. Often such frightening and devastating news can easily throw us into a state of shock and into a questioning of our faith. ‘So where is God in all of this?’

One of the people who heard about Mayra’s situation said to me, ‘I just don’t understand: why would God give her cancer? She seems like such a wonderful and good person. Is God punishing her?’

I hear Mayra responding to these questions: ‘I’m a child of God, and God is truly my parent. So God loves me just as much as I love my own son. But even though I deeply love my son – as much as anyone can love a child, I know that there will be things that can go wrong in his life. He will fall, he will get hurt, he could be in an accident. At some point he could get a life-threatening disease. Even though I love my son as much as I can love, that does not prevent tough things from happening to him. When my son is hurting or sick, I can hug him, be with him in his difficulties, reassure him constantly, and give him my support and love and strength. That’s what God does and that’s what God is doing for me during this illness. Getting cancer is part of the human condition, but God has his arm around me all the time. He will give me love, strength, and the courage to walk on this journey – even with the cancer.”

With Mayra’s understanding and courage, we too can be open to God’s love and not be fearful of something going wrong. What a wonderful gift of grace and freedom Mayra offers us.

Friends, we need to realize how important it is to pause and rest, to be present, and to relish life. We need to stop engaging in negative and stressful activities and focus on ‘healing’ activities like taking long walks, eating healthy food, imaging positive outcomes in our lives. Is it possible for us to take time to talk with our family and friends, listen to peaceful music, watch sunsets, smell the flowers? Mayra would tell us to do so.

Dear God, you love us, your children. Your love is strong and enduring. You do not harm us or bring us grief. You are our loving parent who offers us strength and support. The path we walk on is filled with challenges and struggles, but your love will sustain us. Thank you for holding Mayra – and us – close to your heart. Amen.

Joy Carol
www.joycarol.com

Last week I wrote about how I loved to hear the beautiful sound of snow falling, that the silence of the snow seemed to demand that it should be ‘heard.’

This past week I saw the powerful movie Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. It made me think a lot about people who suffer. It’s a story about an eleven-year-old child, Oskar Schell, whose heart is broken when his father dies in the World Trade Center on 9/11. Oskar is an intellectually curious, very sensitive child, who likely has Asperger syndrome. One day, while looking around in his father’s closet, Oskar finds a key in a small envelope with the name Black written on it. He also finds a clipping with the words ‘never stop looking’ circled. He becomes obsessed with finding someone with the last name Black as well as the lock that the key fits. He believes it will help keep him close to his dad, so he decides to visit each of the 472 Blacks listed in the boroughs of New York. He calculates that this will take three years if he devotes weekends to it. He promises himself that he will never quit looking.

As a child with Asperger Syndrome, Oskar has to deal with extreme sensitivities to everyday sounds, sights, and touch. He seems to hear sounds others do not. He can be easily distracted by noises others can filter out. Some sounds seem actually painful for him such as children’s screams, subway sounds, airplanes, police sirens. It is difficult for him to go to noisy places.

Fear of loud noises can also be a problem for animals. I recently heard a story about Ginger, a dog who had been placed in a kennel over the 4^th of July holiday. The morning after the holiday, the manager of the shelter took a look through the kennels. In Ginger’s kennel, there was blood everywhere – on the dog’s coat and bloody streaks on the walls. Even her paws were dark red. After an examination, the cause of Ginger’s wounds was apparent – she had tried to dig her way out of the concrete kennel to escape the loud noises. She had scraped her nails until they bled. The night before, the town fireworks display had taken place at a nearby park. Ginger was so terrified by the loud noises that she frantically tried to escape.

For people and animals, experiencing the shock of extremely loud noise can be traumatic and painful; deeply rooted fears may remain. They may even panic at the noise of a car backfiring or of distant thunder. How important it is for us to be understanding and sensitive to the fears and challenges facing people and animals. We are lucky if we can tolerate extremely loud noises. May we learn to be thoughtful and caring to those who suffer from distress and loud noises.

Beloved God of Silence and of Noise, we thank you for the ability to hear and see and feel. Help us to learn to be more understanding and caring for those who may suffer from a sensitivity to loud noises. May we be kind and compassionate to those who are suffering and in pain in this world. Amen.

Joy Carol
www.joycarol.com

I live in one of the busiest and noisiest cities in the world, New York City. But I’m fortunate to have a tiny house in the country where I can escape when I need to quiet myself, calm my soul, restore my energy, and find peace. Last week the weather forecast predicted up to six inches of snow in the area where my little house is located. I knew I wanted to be there for that snowfall, a place where I wouldn’t hear the sound of snowplows and traffic moving through the snow and ice on city streets.

My friends chuckled when I told them I was driving to the country so I could ‘hear the snow fall.’ In the middle of the night, I got up and looked out on an enchanted landscape outside my window. Everything was already covered with a light, fluffy snow. And I could hear the most beautiful sound: the silent falling of the snow. I can only describe this awesome feeling as being in another world.

Yes, I love to hear the beautiful sound of snow fall. It’s more than a ‘sound.’ It is a silence that seems to demand that it should be heard. It almost urges people to slow down, to stop, to listen to themselves and to others. It’s a silence that goes beyond understanding and pleads with the mind to pause for a while, to purify itself. It invites the world to be still.

When snow falls, animals appear to be silent too. Even the birds stop their singing. It’s as though they want to listen to the silence that gives them – and all of us – rest and peace.

An old woman once told me that the silence of snow fall was the loudest silence she knew, that it was beautiful and prayerful, profound and stunning. Yet it is a barely audible whisper.

Later that morning as I wandered around in the falling snow, I felt the silence hanging on to my coat, tickling my face. I could almost cut it with a knife. There was a feeling of volume and bulk, but it was soft as powder and light as a feather.

Perhaps the next time you are out in a snow fall, pause to listen to it and feel it. I believe it speaks to us – like a whisper from the Divine.

Beloved Giver of Snow and Silence, forgive us for rushing through this beautiful world and not pausing to hear the miracle of a quiet snow fall. May we be like the birds, who stop their singing in order to experience the peace of the silent snow. Help us to listen to the snow fall and to be mindful of the gift of silence around us.  Amen

 Joy Carol

www.joycarol.com

At a retreat I led recently, I asked the participants to take time to ponder the meaning of the words we were saying as we read the scriptures, said prayers, or sang a hymn. Usually we recite prayers or sing hymns so quickly that we don’t pay attention to what the words might be saying to us. Thus we miss their meaning or the potential ‘shot in the arm’ we might receive if we slowed down and paid attention to them.

As we sang the hymn ‘Take Time to Be Holy,’ I too tried to focus attentively on what we were singing. The words in that hymn are what I consider to be thought provokers. One phrase truly jumped out at me: ‘Be calm in thy soul.’ They reminded me how important it is to pause, to be quiet, to calm our souls, to try to re-connect with God. This is especially true during what I call the dry seasons of our life, those times when we feel like we are in an arid desert regarding our faith and our spirituality.

As a spiritual director and workshop/retreat leader, it’s important that I acknowledge my own times of being in the desert. Like everyone else, I too need to ‘be calm in my soul’ and ‘take time to be holy,’ to ask questions about my spiritual journey and my beliefs. I don’t always come up with answers, but I must keep asking the questions about my relationship with the Divine.

Certainly pausing to calm our souls or to pray are ways we can re-connect with the Divine. I think of spending time with God as being comparable to plugging an appliance into an electrical outlet or logging onto the Internet. We don’t really understand how it works, but we know when we ‘plug in’ or ‘log on,’ something happens and we benefit.

It’s true that we may not always feel like ‘taking time to be holy’ or ‘being calm in our souls’ or turning to God in prayer. But if we are brave enough to try to make the connection, we just might access new energy and insights. And we may find that we have established a live connection to our Creator.

Beloved Creator, often we are not sure what it means to be ‘holy’ or to worship or to serve you. But we want to plug in and log on with you. So help us to learn to ‘be still in our souls’ so we can ‘make time to be holy.’ We need and want a live connection to you. Amen

Joy Carol
www.joycarol.com

Last week I was in Texas preaching, leading a retreat, and visiting friends and family. I confess I was concerned there might be some ‘let downs’ and disappointments during my visit. For starters, I wasn’t able to see a couple of my friends; then the weather turned quite rainy and cold so I was worried there wouldn’t be many people at the retreat; and on the ranch where I stay with my friends Rose and Bill, my favorite horse Hannah had been sold. I was sure I would miss her and feel terribly sad.

To my surprise I had one of the best weeks I’ve ever had in Texas. On Sunday, I was very relaxed and had a gratifying time preaching to a very receptive congregation. At the retreat, more people showed up than we’d expected, and to my delight they were open and participated with enthusiasm.

During the week other unexpected joys occurred. I had a full day to be with my cousin Woody, so we basked in our time together telling old family stories and looking at ancient photos of grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. The next day I had another unexpected time of glee with my friends Sam and Tracey and their four-year-old son Charlie. I had my first experience of hanging out at Costco’s (wow! that place is enormous) and eating a huge hot dog with Charlie. Later we roamed through an aquarium and saw fish, turtles, and sharks through the eyes of an energetic four-year-old. An over-the-top experience.

Perhaps the biggest surprise came when I met the new horses on Rose and Bill’s ranch. They immediately came up to me and nuzzled their way into the empty space in my heart where Hannah had resided. I relished every minute of feeding, brushing, and talking to them. Something outrageously touching happens when a horse looks you in the eye and gently takes something out of your hand with its velvety soft muzzle. Yes, I confess I lost my heart to Molly and Babe.

My week in Texas reminded me of how ridiculous it is when we have unrealistic or idealistic expectations. Too often we spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the future or regretting the past. It’s much better to live our lives in the present moment, where we can enjoy things just as they are, and where we likely will find unexpected joys.

God of Unexpected Joys, thank you so much for your marvelous gifts to us, the little unexpected surprises we can find on our journey. Help us to learn to let go of our unrealistic expectations and disappointments. Teach us to open our eyes to all the joys that surround us. Amen.

Joy Carol
www.joycarol.com

It seems so dark these days, and we have light for such a short time. When it’s dark this much, it’s difficult to remember the promise of light. Many people complain that they feel a kind of malaise, a sense of gloom, even somewhat depressed. After the holidays are over and we are faced with taking down the decorations, we may feel let down, a sense of disappointment, of expectations unfulfilled.

And as the weather gets colder, we might want to crawl into our beds and close the door. We can even feel rigid and cold in our souls. We may think that our lives are frozen and stuck on the outside, while inside we feel disoriented and scattered.

At these times, the promise of spring seems a long way off. In the depth of cold winter, we might not be able to determine where we’re going and how we’re going to get there and why we should do that. We are in great need of healing light and warmth, and of God’s help in finding meaning in our lives.

In the winter season, we need to learn how to be kind and gentle to ourselves – as well as to others. Perhaps we might look for tiny signs of hope that will uplift our souls. We can also turn to God and to others to ask for help. Maybe then we will discover a more hope-filled picture. If we wrap ourselves in the warmth of God’s love, we may learn that the light and joy can be present even in the darkest winter.

Let’s not forget that we’ve already reached the solstice and the days are growing longer and lighter. Soon we will see the sun bursting through the clouds in our lives. Yes, there will always be periods of darkness in life, but we do not need to fear them. The darkness announces and welcomes the dawn. So let us look with hope to a new day and new possibilities.

Beloved Creator of the darkness and of the light, thank you for giving us dark and light times. Please remind us to have hope even in the darkest of times and to lift up our eyes to the hills and to you. Our help always comes from you. Amen.

Joy Carol
www.joycarol.com

A new year! An opportunity for a fresh start! These days I think of the beginning of a year not so much as a time to make resolutions about what we will or won’t do in the coming year. Rather I see it as a time to ponder our lives and to review the past year including our dreams and hopes, the times that were disappointing, the experiences that were satisfying or meaningful. It’s also an opportunity to look at our personal growth, the person we think we are, the person we really are, and the person we would like to become.

Looking back over the past year, I want to consider when and how my life had meaning, or when it did not. I plan to ask myself if I have been faithful to doing spiritual practices like being present or paying attention, what has given me hope or helped me to grow, when I have felt discouraged or enthusiastic.

I know that if I am open to the little gifts of life, I can feel joy and pleasure. The last couple of days I’ve experienced some of those amazing ‘little joy gifts’ that have touched my heart: listening with pride as my great niece played the piano, watching the colors of a sunset, playing peek-a-boo with a precious seven-month-old child on an airplane, seeing a teenage boy offer his seat to an elderly lady on the subway. Yes, ordinary things, but sheer joy!!

At the end of 2011 and the start of 2012, I’m also thinking about my relationship with the Divine, remembering those times when I have neglected it as well as those times when I felt the relationship was deepened because I was ‘plugged in.’ In this new year, I want so much to feel God’s Presence in my life, to draw closer to God’s heart, and to experience hope. Joyce Rupp says it so well in her prayer poem “Standing at the Gates of the New Year.”

‘Guardian of this new year,
I set aside my fears, worries, concerns,
I open my life to the endless opportunity
of discovering you in my relationships,
and to all the silent wisps of wonder
that will draw me to your heart.
I welcome your unfailing Presence
and walk with hope into this new year.’

Guardian of life, thank you for your unfailing Presence. We want so much to set aside our fears and concerns and to be open to the wonder of a relationship with you. Help us to learn to be more open to the little gifts and opportunities in life and to walk in hope with you throughout this new year. Amen.

Joy Carol
www.joycarol.com 

Seasons Greetings to you all.  I am taking this week off from writing and will spend some time reflecting on the year coming to an end.  I will return next week to bring in the new year with you.  As always, I wish you peace.

Joy Carol

www.joycarol.com

I’m sometimes surprised with the somewhat Scrooge-ish attitudes of people during the Advent Season. They complain about the huge crowds when they shop, they aren’t happy if it doesn’t snow, they don’t like what someone gave them, they’re upset if they don’t get invited to a party – or they’re upset if they do. I’m sure you know what I mean. Unfortunately those people don’t feel grateful that they have a job and enough money to go shopping or that someone cares enough about them to give them a gift or invite them to a party. They seem to need to complain rather than rejoice about the gifts they have.

This week I heard from my friend Faithe who lives in London and has battled Multiple Sclerosis for more than 30 years. She has never complained or been angry that she has the disease. In fact, she says, ‘Why shouldn’t I have it?’ Long ago she decided the MS was an opportunity to learn firsthand how disabled people feel. Over the years Faithe has lost a great deal of mobility because chronic-progressive MS moves on relentlessly. When a neighbor recently invited her and her husband Jud to a party, she thought how difficult it would be to attend. But then she realized that wasn’t a positive way to approach life; it would be a sure way to be excluded in the future. So she went – and enjoyed herself.

I love Faithe’s ‘recipe’ for coping with her illness: 1) patting herself on the back when she accomplishes something difficult; 2) enjoying and appreciating the present moment as much as possible; 3) knowing her limits and doing what she can; 4) choosing to be active, not isolated; 5) asking for help and not feeling sorry for herself; 6) not giving up; 7) and being grateful.

The things that have sustained Faithe the most are what she enjoys: her garden, birds, the natural world, companionship. As the MS progresses, Faithe has remained positive. She strongly recommends that long before someone is diagnosed with a serious illness that they do the things they enjoy and not put them off. ‘Life is very short,’ she says ‘so just get on with it and be grateful.’

Although there are times when Faithe feels down, she refuses to stay down. She takes a deep breath and enumerates all the things she has to be thankful for – she says she has a lot. So when we feel Scrooge-ish, maybe we can take a deep breath, be thankful, and rejoice in this special Advent Season.

Wonderful Counselor, we rejoice that you are our God, that you have given us the Christ who came to dwell among us and who shows us a way to live. When we are complaining or acting Scrooge-ish, remind us of everything we have to be grateful for – a lot. May we rejoice that you are Emmanuel, God within us. Amen.

Joy Carol

www.joycarol.com